Dating a married man whose wife is dying Chat with straight boys

27 Apr

DEAR ABBY: I was in a seven-year relationship with a wonderful married man I'll call Hank. She died three months ago after a lingering illness.

A month after that, Hank suggested we date openly and talked as though we were a couple.

Symptoms can be mild (some memory loss, getting lost, and trouble handling money), moderate (continued memory loss, confusion and trouble recognizing family members) to severe (unable to communicate, completely dependent on others).

The healthy spouses of those with Alzheimer's Disease are in a particular quandary.

By the time his wife was told, a year later, that she was going to die, he had found a mistress named Nathalie whom he admits he began to fall in love with.

Can you give me some insight into the emotional dynamics of this situation?

-- FORMER MISTRESS IN MOURNING DEAR FORMER MISTRESS: Yes.

Relationships with widowers can be tempestuous, but if he is truly ready for a new relationship, you may find that the widower can be the partner that you need -- and more.

Widowed men are prone to jumping into new relationships too quickly, says widower Abel Keogh, in the first chapter of his book "Dating a Widower." Widowers may be seeking companionship, sex or a feeling of normalcy after the death of a spouse -- and will be less discriminating in who they choose to spend time with.